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RECEIVING MULTIPLE WRITE-INS: "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"
THE SONG: The Killers, "All These Things I've Done"
THE LYRIC: "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"
THE VERDICT: That refrain just doesn't make sense. It's even worse when he repeats it ad infinitum.

THE SONG: Crazytown, "Butterfly"
THE LYRIC: "Hey sugar momma, come and dance with me/The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me/So, what ever tickles your fancy/Girl it's you like Sid and Nancy"

THE VERDICT: "First, they probably wouldn't know a Sex Pistols' song if Johnny Lydon slapped them in the face. Second, these are truly the worst lyrics of all time. I win,” says reader ariesjenna.

THE SONG: Zager & Evans, "In the Year 2525"
THE LYRIC: "In the year 7510/If God's a-comin', he oughta make it by then/Maybe he'll look around himself and say/Guess it's time for the judgment day."
THE VERDICT: The song is insufferable as it is, but why change the "in the year X" formula for this line? At least stay consistent.  (suggested by doxieman122)

THE SONG: Bloodrock, "DOA"
THE LYRIC: "Life is flowing out my body/Pain is flowing out with my blood/The sheets are red and moist where I'm lying/God in Heaven, teach me how to die"
THE VERDICT: Good times! (also suggested by doxieman 122)

THE SONG: R. Kelly, "Ignition (remix)"
THE LYRIC: "It's the remix to ignition/Hot and fresh out the kitchen/Mama rollin that body got every man in here wishin’/Sippin on coke and rum/I'm like so what I'm drunk/it's the freakin' weekend/Baby I'm about to have me some fun"
THE VERDICT: R. Kelly's lyrics, of course, are bad in the best way possible, like bad in a way that makes you scream at your friends in the car to bring their attention to them, which apparently really happened to our friend, the Waitress, who suggested we add this to our list: "I had been telling my friend Erin about its ridiculous lyrics for weeks. Then one fateful night I was driving her home and flipping through the stations when there it was. I almost deafened her when I screamed, ‘THIS IS IT!!!!!’ We laughed so hard listening to it."

THE SONG: Dan Hartman, "Fletch, Get Out of Town"
THE LYRIC: "Get outta town (get outta town)/Just get outta town/Go north to Alaska, east to Atlantic City, or south to Rio/Almost as far as you can go/Get outta town/Just rent a car (get outta town)/So they won't know where you are"

THE VERDICT: Why not include a possible western destination for poor Fletch? May we suggest Okinawa (depending on his point of origin)? It sings well. It’s as if Anthony Kiedis wrote this. (Suggested by cjb.)

THE SONG: Delbert McClinton, "Weatherman"
THE LYRIC: "If precipitation is drowning all your plans/just call information up, ask for the weatherman"
THE VERDICT: Harold Ramis wrote these lyrics, so we'll give ol' Delbert a pass here. Does Ramis know how much actual weathermen hate it when people ask them to "give us some sun this weekend" or things along those lines? More importantly, though, try googling the lyrics some time. What we quoted above might not even be correct, in which case, apologies to messrs. Ramis and McClinton. (Suggested by, uh, Ryan Stewart!)

THE SONG: Van Halen, "Summer Nights"
THE LYRIC: "Just hangin' 'round the local parking lot/Checkin' out the girls see what they got / Yea they love it when me and the boys/Start playin' love with them human toys/Yea we just wind 'em up and let 'em go, oh yea."

THE VERDICT: Jaw-dropping misogyny. Wow. (Suggested by ColonelTom.) 

THE SONG: Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Around the World"
THE LYRIC: "I know, I know, for sure/ding ding dang ding ding ding don ding don dang"
THE VERDICT: Reader Spradlinnn' speculates on the band's mindset: "Funny cause their attitude is probably 'That's great! Just leave that, don't even try to come up with another stanza!'" The Chili Peppers are another band that are notorious for their lyrical atrocities. This is just the most obvious and reader-suggested option we could find for the moment.

THE SONG: Starship, "We Built This City"
THE LYRIC: "Someone always playing corporation games/Who cares they’re always changing corporation names/We just want to dance here someone stole the stage/They call us irresponsible write us off the page"
THE VERDICT: You fight the power, Starship, you glorious rebels you! (Suggested by music editor Matt Ashare, seconded by smellface, who, for all we know, is actually Matt Ashare.)

THE SONG: Destiny's Child, "Bills, Bills, Bills"
THE LYRIC: "Can you pay my bills?/Can you pay my telephone bills?/Can you pay my automo' bills?/Then maybe we can chill/I don't think you do/so you and me are through"
THE VERDICT: Reader Tnicholes was surprised there was no Destiny's Child among our set of nominess, so here it is. Just one year later, they'd change their tune with "Independent Women." But still . . . was that how women saw men back in 1999? Were Destiny's Child simply reflecting the zeitgeist?

THE SONG: Captain and Tennille, "Muskrat Love"
THE LYRIC: "Muskrat Susie/Muskrat Sam/Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land/And they shimmy/And Sammy's so skinny"
THE VERDICT: Another one that's mentioned in just about every one of these lyric lists. With good cause. The suggestion was made by Judy.

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Related: Good vibrations, On the racks: September 5, 2006, LeToya, More more >
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Comments
32 worst lyrics of all time
Great list: On Destiny's Child, Bills, Bills, Bills, I love the sarcastic comments :) No, I'm being serious. Really!
By Veector on 06/14/2006 at 10:46:03
32 worst lyrics of all time
"Porcupine Pie," by Neil Diamond Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie Vanilla Soup, a double scoop please No, maybe I won't, maybe I won't, maybe I will The tutti fruit with fruity blue cheese Ah, but Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie, Porcupine Pie Don't let it get on your jeans And though it sounds a little strange Well, you gotta eat it with gloves Or your hands will turn green Ah, but porcupine pie, porcupine pie, porcupine pie, It weaves its way through my dreams, And I do believe I'm gonna have one and Leave enough room for dessert, chicken ripple ice cream.
By MM on 06/14/2006 at 1:50:30
32 worst lyrics of all time
I can't remember her name, but I will never get these bad lyrics out of my head -and it's not just the words, its the way she has to force the rhyme into the line: "..she's precocious, and she knows just what it takes to.. make a pro blush." (Bette Davis Eyes)
By FFMand on 06/16/2006 at 8:58:57
32 worst lyrics of all time
This one has to get honorable mention: THE SONG: Heaven knows I'm miserable now THE LYRIC: "I was looking for a job, and then I found a job" Ask those down at the Pine Street Inn if it's just that easy Mr. Morrissey.
By djkitt on 06/16/2006 at 7:21:00
32 worst lyrics of all time
Great list, but it's incomplete without a showing from Alanis Morrisette, the patron saint of awful lyrics. My vote would have been for the "I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner" line from "You Oughta Know," but surely there are many other choices.
By ThingyBlahBlah3 on 06/22/2006 at 11:37:16
32 worst lyrics of all time
What?! No "If there a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be a alarmed now. It's just a sprinkling for the may queen."?
By Rantipole on 06/24/2006 at 10:53:04
32 worst lyrics of all time
Lest we forget the poet L. Kravitz, "I want to get away.,,, I want to flyyy awayhhh, yeah, yeah. I think he stole this from Lennon/McCartney.
By McMaster on 06/25/2006 at 9:09:37
32 worst lyrics of all time
She bangs, she bangs Oh baby when she moves, she moves I go crazy 'cause she Looks like a flower But she stings like a bee Like every girl in history She bangs alright. These lyrics rattle like a tinny jalopy driven too many times. Don't know if it's the echo of Muhammed Ali or the tired 'every rose has it's thorn'/'femme fatale' theme...
By Muhammed_Ali on 06/27/2006 at 7:44:23
32 worst lyrics of all time
She bangs, she bangs Oh baby when she moves, she moves I go crazy 'cause she Looks like a flower But she stings like a bee Like every girl in history She bangs alright. These lyrics rattle like a tinny jalopy driven too many times. Don't know if it's the echo of Muhammed Ali or the tired 'every rose has it's thorn'/'femme fatale' theme that bother me more...
By Muhammed_Ali on 06/27/2006 at 7:44:43
32 worst lyrics of all time
I can not believe that no one entered that Get What You Give song by New Radicals. The song makes me embarrassed to own a radio. And does the band's name count as lyrics?
By bear76@gmail.com on 06/29/2006 at 11:54:14
32 worst lyrics of all time
Steve Miller's oeuvre is full of howlers, but this one rhyme has always bugged me: "Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas You know he knows just exactly what the facts is" I'm pretty sure Dave Barry has gotten multiple columns out of this one lyric.
By MC Slim JB on 06/29/2006 at 2:47:47
32 worst lyrics of all time
Shakira: Whenever, Wherever "Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don't confuse them with mountains" Yeah, good thing. I was always trying to rapel down my last girlfriend's chest.
By law school on 06/29/2006 at 10:37:49
32 worst lyrics of all time
Seconded on Shakira and "porcupine pie"...That one's just...."What the hell were you smoking?" quality. And the first...well. You can't put it better than lawschool did.
By [-Scorpio-] on 06/30/2006 at 6:05:24
32 worst lyrics of all time
Men Without Hats...Pop Goes the World with the lines "One, two, three and four is five/Everyone here is a friend of mine." So you can count? Anyone got a better line than that? Anyone, anyone?
By projconn on 06/30/2006 at 11:07:38
32 worst lyrics of all time
Since the article mentions some obscure songs by Genesis and Rush, I'll mention a couple of songs off of the last Donnas album that not many people have heard: From "It Takes One to Know One" (yeah, the titular cliché is sung in the song, but there's worse) "Tell me, am I speaking English / or is this just a deathwish?!" It sounds even worse than it reads because it leads into an angry guitar riff of the bridge which I imagine is supposed to punctuate the lyric, but the combination is about as explosive as a pop gun. The entire lyrics of "Don't Break Me Down" "Don't break me, don't break me down / Can't you see my hands on the ground? / I can't remember my name / And I promise it won't be the same // Did you steal it? Can you feel it? / 'Cause I'm starting to feel it now / So don't break me down // Don't break me, don't break me down / Don't bury my words in the ground / I can't sleep at night / And I know without me that you're not alright // Can you taste it? Can you face it? / 'Cause I'm ready to face it now / So don't break me down // [instrumental bridge] // Don't break me, don't break me down / Can't you see my hands on the ground / I know I'm holding on too tight / But just give me some time and I'll get it right // [etc.]"
By Greg the Gruesome on 07/02/2006 at 3:58:02
32 worst lyrics of all time
Ok, the Rush song is based on a Samuel Taylor Coleridge poem called, Kubla Khan and the lyrics are based directly on the text of the poem.
By Suburban Dad on 07/07/2006 at 9:00:13
32 worst lyrics of all time
Bette Davis Eyes - Kim Carnes How about The Smith's - Cemetry Gates -"They were born, then they lived and then they died" Uh, yeah Just reprint the lyric sheet to My Humps - reeeeeeaaally bad! Talk about filler!
By Suburban Dad on 07/07/2006 at 9:11:00
32 worst lyrics of all time
Four words: Please pardon the grammar. As a matter of fact that whole freakin song should be on this list one line at a time. Just f-ing bad. How the hell has Rod Stewart gotten away with being terrible all these years?
By BRay747474 on 07/11/2006 at 6:27:42
32 worst lyrics of all time
what about Hall & Oates "She's Gone" "Let the carbon and monoxide choke my thoughts away", Hello? isn't it Carbon monoxide, there is no "and", its a chemical. and what about America's "Ventura Highway"? "alligator lizards in the air"...isn't the lizard part redundant? i know there is an alligator lizard, which isn't an alligator, but this line is still stupid...
By jetaspirin on 07/19/2006 at 11:45:07
32 worst lyrics of all time
The lyric is 'its just a spring clean for the may queen'. Not 'sprinkling'. Must be my brummy accent.
By Robert Plant on 07/21/2006 at 7:31:29
32 worst lyrics of all time
'Got To Write a Classic' by Adrian Gurvitz should have pride of place on this list. I won't quote snippets of it because the whole song manages to be consistently awful.
By Lung the Younger on 07/21/2006 at 8:28:59
32 worst lyrics of all time
For me, the worst lyrics will always be from Stone Temple Pilots "Plush": And I feel when the dogs begin to smell here/ Will she smell alone? First of all, the dogs are only beginning to smell her so there's the promise of more smelling in the future. I'm pretty sure it comes later in the song. Either way, the question remains: will she smell alone? The answer, of course, lies in the universal question, do dogs count as company? Unless these are bloodhounds or something, beginning to smell her from, like, somewhere far away, in which case, she could be smelling alone somewhere in the woods nearby, as long as she hasn't waded across a river to get rid of her scent.
By hello utah on 07/21/2006 at 10:00:22
32 worst lyrics of all time
The Starship lyric is especially funny considering the "Starship corporation" had changed names twice by that point.
By Hubajube on 07/21/2006 at 12:14:55
32 worst lyrics of all time
"I don't want no scrubs-- a scrub being hermetically defined as a guy that can't get no love from me." I win.
By joshsmoses on 07/21/2006 at 2:30:03
32 worst lyrics of all time
toto -- africa I know that I must do what's right As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Ser-an-getti 'nuff said.
By pinkygonzales on 07/21/2006 at 5:51:07
32 worst lyrics of all time
You know, I would hope that before making fun of the lyrics of a song with such an odd, yet familiar-sounding name as "Xanadu," that you would bother Googling it first. //etext.virginia.edu/stc/Coleridge/poems/Kubla_Khan.html From Samuel Taylor Coleridge's rather famous poem, "Kubla Khan," which begins as follows: "In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran, Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea." Nearly every bizarre image of the song appears in the poem. Rather than being patent nonsense, as you imply, the song is an allusion to one of the great works of English literature. You morons.
By pat kelly on 07/22/2006 at 12:36:49
32 worst lyrics of all time
How about: "Girl I've been knowin' you since you were ten/you cannot hide from your friends." From "Girl" by Destiny's Child. I think that is even worse than "Bills." Ugh.
By Danielle on 07/22/2006 at 11:09:31
32 worst lyrics of all time
Makes me laugh every time: Rick Springfield. Jesse's Girl. "...but she starts talkin cute/I wanna tell her that I love her/But the point is probably mute." Let's see ... what rhymes with cute ... loot ... boot ... shoot .... oh, I got it! MUTE.
By chillitiger on 07/22/2006 at 11:46:24
32 worst lyrics of all time
You guys know that the "Xanadu" lyrics are a direct reworking of Coleridge's "Kubla Khan", right?
By Roz McClure on 07/23/2006 at 6:50:34
32 worst lyrics of all time
In Jesse's girl, it's actually MOOT, which means debatable...still not a gem. Snow, "Informer"...the entire song is filled with crap.
By nat620 on 07/24/2006 at 11:24:46

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