Would that I could simply post the entire lyric to “Miracles” by INSANE CLOWN POSSE and call it an article. They just put up a video for it on YouTube — I saw it within hours, so attuned am I to the Juggalo æther — and it’s just the kind of spiritual tour de force you might expect from America’s foremost crypto-Christian horrorcore greasepaint murderklownz. They have truly — and they were never too sane or bright to begin with — gone over the swingset this time.
May I offer some samples?
“Fuckin’ rainbows after it rains/There’s enough miracles here to blow your brain/I fed a fish to a pelican in Frisco Bay/And he tried to eat my cell phone he ran away."
"I’ve seen miracles all around me/Stop and look around it’s all astounding/Water, fire, air, and dirt/Fucking magnets, how do they work?/I don’t want to talk to a scientist, y’all motherfuckers lying and getting me pissed."
Tell ’em! Forget those motherfucking scientists lying to us about the nature of fire and dirt and magnets. The Dark Carnival is the one true answer.
SLASH just released a solo album. I wonder whether he’ll try to drum up publicity by goosing Guns N’ Roses fans with conciliatory statements toward AXL R. . . uh-oh. In an interview with the New York Post, Slash has revealed that, despite his differences with Axl, he’s a big Chinese Democracy fan. “It was the perfect Axl record. Exactly what I would have expected from the final years of us working together, and seeing where he was headed musically. It’s very heavy; sort of a dark, depressing record. He’s fucking phenomenal.” How ironic that the one guy who liked Chinese Democracy is, by omission, one of the major contributing factors to how terrible it is.
Historical post-punk artifact GANG OF FOUR are releasing a new album soon, and they’re hopping on the emerging bandwagon of extremely bizarre deluxe editions. Through a site called pledgemusic.com, they’re offering some interesting pre-order tidbits to those who contribute money to the record. Most of the bands on PledgeMusic need cash to pay for studio time, but since Go4’s album is already recorded, I guess they’re just looking for wallet contributions.
A mere £45 will get you their “Ultimate Content Can,” which offers an extremely rational assortment of items along with the new album: “a book version, on paper, of an art piece Jon and Andy have done on ceramic tiles depicting the past 40 years of world history, a book of drawings of our emotions, phials of blood, and a scratch-and-sniff booklet.”
If you’re not satisfied with blood and emotions, you can kick in £55 for a signed CD with handwritten lyrics, £75 for a shout-out in the album credits, or £175 for a bootleg tape of their first-ever show (housed in an authentic Walkman). But wait! If you’re willing to part with £250, the band will personally criticize your lyrics by phone or e-mail. For £950, you can take a helicopter ride to Glastonbury with the band. And for £1500, you can hire guitarist Andy Gill to mix a track you record.
