The former Marky Mark, shirtless
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This year is the 20th anniversary of Dirty Dancing — and yeah, we’re celebrating the cinematic ode to the sweaty teenage pastime all year long. And then there’s Dancing with the Stars, the hugely successful B-list celebrity dancing show that had its season finale this week (which obviously doesn’t hold a candle to Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze, especially when wet, and practicing lifts in pond scum). So, in honor of dancing dirty, as well as Swayze’s open-shirt-pelvic-thrusting summer camp fantasy, we offer this list of the dirtiest dancing music videos we could find.
15. “Freak Me,” Silk
Doesn’t the title say it all? Nighties and a hot pink set elevate this low budget Silk music video to high-octane bedtime story. Goodnight, and… freak me, baby. Aw, yeah.
14. “Wicked Game,” Chris Isaac
Helena Christensen’s face is a vision in the rolling clouds in this five-minute black-and-white, soft-core wet-dreamscape. When she is realized, shirtless, she runs down the beach, clumsy and stumbling, from Chris Isaac. Both Isaac and his supermodel are covered in sand. Christensen does the ultimate demure booty dance, preparing a future generation of young women for what we now call, fondly, “butt cleavage.” Thank you, Helena.
13. “Candy Rain,” Soul for Real
This music video isn’t dirty dancing, per se. Besides the fact that you’ve got a bunch of adolescent boys singing and dancing to a song about seeing their “candy rain” in too-cute matching black-and-white outfits bobbing before a dazzling, pink tinsel background.
12. “Good Vibrations,” Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
A large piece of bling rebounds off Marky Mark’s hard, clean-shaven chest. “Can you feel it baby?” Marky asks. To which he answers, “I can, too.” Then, the former male fashion model performs a street water dance, kicking washout into the air. This is the ultimate bench-press/chain-link-fence/moving-window-blind dirty dance. And, it is, in one word: titillating.
11. “I Touch Myself,” Divinyls
You could watch this video and think that it’s not particularly dirty — singer Christina Amphlett prances around fully clothed, by an ironing board at one point. But there are a few subtle touches here and there, mostly involving Amphlett under satin sheets. You know, because the song is so subtle, they needed to make sure the images stayed in a similar vein.
10. “Cradle of Love,” Billy Idol
This video gave hope to the nerds everywhere – if you just sit around and mind your own business, then maybe some day, some hot young woman can come by your house, strip, and wreck all your shit, too!
9. “Bootylicious,” Destiny’s Child
Destiny’s Child shakes it in this sherbet-colored music video. And Beyonce can’t stop grunting and hissing about how she thinks her jelly is so good. Indeed: we are not ready.
8. “Dirrty,” Christina “Xtina” Aguilera
Lip
gloss and a lot of chick sweat is a sure way to shoot a dirty dancing video. In fact, this video is so dirty-dancing intensive, poor Xtina needs a water bottle. Phew, it’s sticky in this club — full of bull dogs, bunny suits, and boxers.
7. “Justify My Love,” Madonna
“Justify My Love” is the first-ever music video to be banned from MTV —and Madonna acts hungover through the whole thing. A headache and raccoon eyes don’t stop Madonna, though. Jean-Baptiste Mondino directs Madonna in this artsy black-and-white rendition of the dirty-sadomasochistic dance.
6. “Rump Shaker,” Wrecks-N-Effect
Who can forget the hit summer single “Rump Shaker?” With it’s bikini clad saxophone players and speedboat radio-for-more-rump scenes, “Rump Shaker” may have been the water-sports rap music video to inspire all future water-sports music videos. It’s not just a beach party, it’s an education in early ‘90’s fashion, and hardcore rumpy action.
5. “Thong Song,” Sisqo
The anthem of Spring Break 2000, the “Thong Song” is famous for its celebration of women who wear thongs on the bus, women who wear thongs on the beach, and women who wear thongs to mega, outdoor blacklight parties. Did Sisqo’s penned lyrics “dumps like a truck, truck, truck” inspire “My Humps?” …Probably.
4. “Doin’ It,” LL Cool J
The lips, the peep-show, the neon “Cock… tail” sign in the background: LL is a regular master at making swoon-worthy music videos — despite over-sized cell phone props, and hardhats.
3. “Don’t Walk Away,” Jade
What are they doing to that stairwell?
No matter! This video proves that doing dirty dance is not dependent on your outfit. Good dancing transcends acid-washed jeans, cut-off sweatshirts, flannel shirts, and scrunchies.
2. “Tip Drill (Uncut),” Nelly
“I said it must be ya ass, ‘cause it ain’t ya face,” Nelly sings, before sliding a credit card down a woman’s buttocks. The butt responds with an up-tempo waggle. Warning: this eight minute music video is explicit — and it may just be the video that permanently cut BET Uncut from the television network’s three a.m. rotation.
1. “Whenever, Wherever,” Shakira
Like a wet phoenix rising from the ashes, Shakira spreads her arms and levitates from rough dark blue waters. Cue the bass with Columbian hips! Shakira causes a virtual dirtquake with her mud-slinging full body pulses. Oh, Shakira. This list was made for you, kid.