Thrust it, Xtina, Thrust it!

Published Aug 06 2010, 03:26 PM by Marianna Faynshteyn

Judging by the originality of the Burlesque trailer, it’s a pretty safe bet that the Xtina-helmed film (with Cher--CHER) was probably even shot in the same studio as Showgirls. Oh, just a general run-down of the “story”: it’s a tale of doe-eyed girl who wants to strip, and in an old-fashioned turn (no “Rock of Love” for Miss Thang), launches a career under the guidance of former stripper extraordinaire (CHER) and former stripper extraordinaire sassy gay assistant (Stanley Tucci, not like he’s ever played a gay assistant. Ever.) The project is slated for success (at least that’s what you hope after all the eyes and limbs lost at the hands of glitter). But left in the shimmery shadow of its predecessor, let’s consider how this can possibly be different.

Showgirls has the original (and legendary big Hollywood money making) triad of Elizabeth Berkeley, Gina Gershon, and Kyle MacLachlan. Berkeley is the Sweet Charity type but instead of a heart of gold, she has sharp nails of steel. She nearly knifes a man who picks her up ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, battles rumors of being a prostitute, does prostitutey things, becomes stripper queen, etc.

Different for Xtina:

Clearly the same set of problems will occur: But my morals? What about my morals?? (Jk, jk, more like “Are these nails sharp enough to carve out the soul of the impressionable ingenue??”)
But it seems clear that Burlesque is taking on a high brow interpretation of the scantily clad dancer genre. The Shakespearean themes are very evident in the 3 minute preview. It is quite clear that Xtina will fall in love with an emotionally unavailable man (who may be crazy, may just be pretending to be; has heaps of mommy issues; and is trying to avenge his father's death) and in an huge blow-out--after her biggest gig, no less--drowns herself while singing a somber rendition of “Ain’t no other man.” I know, homage to Striptease much?

Different for Cher:Gina Gershon and Cher are both saucy broads beloved by the gays worldwide. And Cher is playing the bitchier, older Gina (Cristal, yeah that was her name). How will Cher add dimension to this role? Well, aside from the vibrato that she will undoubtedly incorporate at the end of her sentences, Cher will be sassy for a generation that never knew she was in Mask. Her sassiness will need a self-awareness for our post 9/11, Iraq Part 2 selves. In other words, she will enter a world of dreams but dreams that she controls and tries to extract dreams out of other people’s dreams because....Well, point is, she won’t be dancing (for the love of god, please) and will probably drown next to Xtina singing “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.”

Different for Tucci:

Umm, he'll pretty much be playing Puck, again. So, you know, less sexually ambiguous (and impotent) than MacLachlan.